Tired!!

After all, I'm still just one pathetic normal girl who has no one who really understand, care & love me.. I just feel so tired, so upset, so sick of things still keeping deep inside my heart.. How I wish I could find 1 such person who can accommodate my needs? I always advise people around me to move on, but what's wrong with me..

Anytime I need someone to talk to is only this blog that can make me true fully say all my things out all my needs. So what? Every time what I say here there's no answer nor reply to it!! So does that means that I need to find out the answers on my own? I'm really tired of it...

Maybe after i have started to work then I won't feel so terrible as most of my time will be occupy but who can understand my emotional needs? When's my prince charming going to appear?? I really need a shoulder to lend on, I really need someone to care & pamper me.. Please God, stop torturing me.. Let me have some time that I can enjoy, can? Can I find "The One" ? Can i possibly find the one who will be my partner for life? Or do I need to wait till I get old & continue my life on my own?

I am really very tired... Please stop torturing me.. I don't feel like I'm a human anymore, I feel like I'm a robot that has no feelings at all.. Can I be the one who's being loved & pampered as what I normally have.. ? Being able to cry out on my own its what I used to do now but being able to cry on the shoulder that I loved is really hard.. I really wish to cry on the shoulder that I love..

Please make it come true,Thank God..

i gonna move on

I can do it!! I must do it!! I know I definitely can do it!!
I want to be happy, put down my miseries and live on my life..
I believe that I still can live happily without you beside me..
You are already my past, I also don't wish to bother you anymore, the only thing that I can do is to forget our relationship, forget about what we did before, forget about you..
I can only wish you happiness behind you, and watch over you far far away..
The only thing I can say is, I came back too late...
The only thing I can do is to put you deep inside my heart & not to dig you out anymore..

Hereby I wish you happiness forever... This is the last & only thing I can do for you...
Yao Xin Fu Wor~ =)

Am I really too late??

Am I really too late? from that until night until now I'm still thinking of this.. Should I be only the one who look for you, or rather if you still have feelings for me why can't u look for me instead? does that means that you've already given me up so you never look for me? am i right to say that? why has it be always be me to look for you? I've waiting for your return too.. but i waited & waited, i waited till i can't wait anymore.. i walk forward to ask you & you said that its too late?

Nevermind if I'm too late, I would rather walk away.. Everytime i tried my best keep you with me, but I can't see that you're concern of my feelings as well.. You know it really hurts a lot when you just don't care & leave me alone.. my tears keep flowing out, but who will cares.. I try all ways & means to think positive ways, but I really can't.. Although I already know what your answer will be, I choose not to believe it.. I've even dream that we're back together again, but I know that dreams & reality is always opposite..

What can i do? NOTHING!! just cry my heart out whenever i think of you, & wait for my wound to recover day by days, month by months or even year by years..

What i can do now is only think of what we did last time... thanks for the wonderful memories you have gave me & make me moody & even cry for the whole night till morning...

down~

feeling abit down today.. really have a mood swing... just don't know why that kinda of weird feeling & I feel so uncomfortable the whole night.. what's really wrong with me? haizz.. a big big question mark...

i've get to see him today, but why am i so down? because i already know his answer? or? but isn't my heart thinking we should just be friends? what the hell is really wrong with me!! I'm really damn tired & sick of myself, why am i such a lousy person?
promise my own self to stop smoking? in the end, i keep drinking & smoking these few days.. what the Fuck!! so damn disappointing with myself..

i think i really need a job to keep me occupy & stop thinking these kinda of nonsense..
HHHHAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

confuse, @ a loss

After breaking up with ron last week, i went to find him & say out how i feel towards him.. its like removing a big rock from deep inside my heart.. somehow somewhere, i feel better definitely, but just how come i don't have that kinda of feeling when i'm talking to him? what's really in my mind? what do i really want? its so contridating.

i got a feeling that he's also trying to avoid me after our conversation, is it a right choice to bring this up in the first place.. there's no turning back now but to avoid these kinda of embarrassing situations to happen again.. even though i know he'll reject to my idea, but being friends first is really my first priority. as time goes by, i know that people & everything will change, i also don't wish to force or maybe rush things it might turn out even worse...

maybe i really used to the life i'm living now, or this is what i really want?

Things seems like changing...?

heart start aching again.. the sharp pain just come now & then.. tears start flowing down when its late at night.. why is it so? does it means that I still haven't move on yet? Is it because my life still have his memories? the story of ours still haven't put on a full stop? or is it simply i still love him deep inside my heart... can anyone clear this doubt for me?? please god...give me some advise...

after what happen that night, after the night i meet him up, after all these things happen, how come my mind keep thinking of him? every scene that the drama is playing, its so alike what happen in the past when we were together.. Is it because of this drama? but how come I would pray for his msg when dusk break... once i received his msg, I'll just simply put on a smile & thinks that he has never leave my life at all.. or am I just thinking too much..

Dear, can you give me a affirmation? I really need a answer.. I don't wish to drag so long and hurt my friends & family beside me, my heart is bleeding & I'm gonna break down soon if i still do not hear from you.. I need to hear the truthful answer from your heart.. Please do not say something that you don't mean it, can?

or should i learn to let you go as what i said 3 months ago? or face my own happiness with courage?