Will you be there for me?

I am not sure if I did the correct thing.. If I ever give him enough time to think about it, will he come back to me or he would hurt me more, adding much more pain to my heart as now? What am I suppose to do in the first place? Why should I put everything regards to him ahead of me...



I longed for his care and concern for me, showered his love and pamper me as before but what did I get these few weeks? Days after days, weeks after weeks I have been looking forward to his message or call. When the times I need him most, where were he? The only thing I know was he was out there enjoying himself then to even drop me a message. Why should I still initiate to approach him for the answer, I feel so useless.
The next thing I know its, I am just merely a friend in his eyes. It hurts me more when I heard from his colleague then from his own mouth. .



Why is all these happening to me.. Aren't I suppose to let go of the man I love rather then let him suffer in my hand. Or is it I am too naive to think we could start all over again?



Tears keep flowing down but who cares? My tears can drop down anywhere that I can't even control.. Can I let him know? No way...This hurts much more then a year ago... It really hurts...



Baby, why are you telling me these white lies? Do you know it really hurts me a lot when I think back what you have done and said are totally different? Do you think that I feel good when you are not like before as well, where is my caring and loving dear I once had before? The times I missed you and when I need you, you are not by my side, you can't be there. I can do nothing at all as you say you are busy at work and tired and what I can do its not to let you worry about me, keep all things to myself eventually this is the ending I get. Did I do something wrong?



You say the feeling aren't the same as before, have you ever consider about my feeling as well? What am I to you? Right until this moment haven't I been more initiate then ever? My baby, where are you? Can you come back to me? I really need you to be my side... ...

From me to you 27 May 2008

27 May 2008

Hey there my dear friend...

Time really flies, a year has passed. We have gone with our own ways a year ago from today. In a year , I think I have seen you for less then 10 times ba.. This can gauge how busy our lives are.. haa..

Even though, things had happened for more then a year, somehow somewhere the memories, the things that you have said, the places we explore together or maybe the times I had spend with you is still fresh in my mind. Anyway, telling you these things do not means that I want you to be back with me, so pls do not misunderstand. Although I wish to have you with me, I know its impossible and I rather not spoil the friendship we had. =)
One thing I have learn from our relationship is to let go of the man that you love rather then seeing him suffer in your hand.

Oh ya, one more thing before I missed that out. I understand that night we drink a bit too much. Well, I do & say something I should not have done. I apologize for such things happened. I know after that night its quite embarrassing to face each other, after all you are still a shy, fine guy right? lol.. Anyway, I'm really sorry for what happened that night.
Honestly, I admit that night I am drunk but some things I have said out it's the things that I wish to let you know as I seldom have chance to speak to you or maybe not any chances at all. After that night, you send me messages that let me feel like the times we are still dating.. sweet neh.. You tried calling me but I didn't pick up ya call, I'm still wondering what you would have say to me if I answered.
Actually I very much would like to know what is your feelings, though I do not know if I have the chance but do you mind to share with me?

You said you will be happy as long as I'm happy. Don't you know where my happiness is source from? Never mind.. Anyway, just to let you know (FYI), I still do keep my words. You are still the man I love most in my lifetime and no matter what you have done, I will not blame you.

Last but not least, if you wanna reply something nasty I rather you don't reply as this is purely words that I want you to know. Best that you can reply back as I do wish to understand your feelings or maybe just as a friend (if you're worried) as we seldom have chance to meet up or even chat on phone.

That's all, folks!

Wish you all the best in your career, life and health. Take care and see you soon.. =)

(PS: Do let me know when you're migrating soon)

Cheers,
Wendy

All about me

It had been months the last time I wrote here... Time really pass however I feel I am still stuck in the same spot, why am I not moving on...? Seems like time has passed, people has changed or rather everything has changed but my heart still remain the same... I miss him... I missed those old days...


I know nothing in this world can replace those days we spent together, the love I had for him. I still keep my promise, in my lifetime, the one I love most will be him... My dear, do you still feel the same as me? I hope not. Hope that you are doing very well and move on with your own life... This is the only thing that I can pray for you and quietly supporting behind you. I know I cannot be so selfish to let you know about my feelings and affect you indirectly. Here is the place that I can confess all my feelings.

Soon, we have been apart for a year. However, when times that comes to think of you, someone remind me of you, places that we had been or explored together, my heart seems to be bleeding away, tears started to hang on my eyes. I could not help it, the feelings just keep coming back. I could only cry out when times that I am drunk or when I am all alone. When times I missed you, I could only pull out my ez-link card "I love you no matter what" and look at the neo-print we took together. I still remember when you first gave me the ez-link card, I asked you if the phrase stated on the card really what you means from the bottom from your heart and you replied "yes", how naive I am to believe that, everything become shattered and smash the day we leave each other's path.

Now, I am busy and stuck with work that I do not like at all, no prospect at all. I hang out with friends or my boyboy whenever I have extra time but still I still have time to come of think of you, why is this happening... I feel so miserable and shameful of myself.

Recently few months ago, when the times I missed you, I would keep listening to this song "Bai She Feng Che - Jay Chou". I guess only this song can keep me going... As there is this few sentences saying:
"we shouldn't have meet up just because for the sake of meeting, thank you for letting me award of it as I am waiting the time we can spend forever"

Thank you for appearing in my life as I have learn a lot of things from our relationship...